Arfur the Rat drabbles

These drabbles were written for fun for a Rosfic Forum drabble challenge.

ARFUR THE RAT

I am Arfur the Rat. I live in Nottingham Castle. The old man sez I like rotting cabbages. ‘e lies. I only eat them coz I’m ‘ungry, see?

He sez he can’t leave me. The old fool can take me wiv ‘im, can’t ‘e? I can ‘ide in ‘is beard or somefink.

@#$%^&*0+

I’ve eaten the rest of this dribble [sic], coz I was ‘ungry, see? It tastes like rotting cabbages.

Second Arfur the Rat drabble

ARFUR RETURNS AGAIN

I am Arfur the Rat. I live in Nottingham Castle Dungeon.  One of Robin Hood’s outlaws, the big ‘airy un, was ‘ere visiting for a time. ‘e was mean, ‘e wouldn’t let me sleep in ‘is beard. I was cold, see? Also, I wanted to ‘ide, see? I knew ‘e would get away, so I wanted to go wiv. The soldiers made the old fool go wiv on a job, but ‘e left me behind and when ‘e came back the others were gorn.

I chewed the big ‘un’s beard, coz I was ‘ungry see? It tastes like rotting cabbages.

Third Arfur the Rat drabble

ARFUR RETURNS

I am Arfur the Rat. I live in Nottingham Castle Dungeon. We’ve ‘ad some distinguished visitors , we ’ave. Guy of Gisburne, wot usually has other people chucked down ‘ere, was chucked down ‘imself. Serves ‘im right, I sez.

Guy was not a good guest. He threw a tantrum, so the guards emptied their pisspot on ‘is ‘ead. Then a friend of ‘is was chucked down to join ‘im.  Some of Robin Hood’s men came to get this friend.  He laid Guy out good and proper . I chewed Guy’s ‘air, coz I was ‘ungry, see? He tastes like rotting cabbages.

Fourth Arfur the Rat drabble

ARFUR ONCE MORE

I am Arfur the Rat. I live in Nottingham Castle Dungeon. Me and the old man get lots of visitors. They are thrown down. Some of ‘em stay a long time and then get taken away and nasty fings ‘appen to ‘em.

Robin Hood and ‘is friends always escape. They usually throw down a guard or two when they leave. The old man is ‘appy. He can talk to the guards and they can’t tell ‘im to shut up because they’re out cold, see? I’ve bitten a few of ‘em, coz I was ‘ungry, see? They taste like rotting cabbages.

Fifth Arfur the Rat drabble

YES, ARFUR AGAIN!

I am Arfur the Rat. I live in Nottingham Castle Dungeon. We had the Sheriff down ‘ere once. ‘e ‘ad been naughty. ‘e was almost in tears. The old man spoke to ‘im about our accommodation. The service ‘as been bad for years, see? ‘e promised to change the straw, but ‘e never did. The Sheriff didn’t like the rotting cabbages for brekfus.

This was after we’d ‘ad some of the Wickham people staying. It got a bit crowded and they were miserable. We ‘eard that Robin Hood was caught, but got away.

The Sheriff’s moustache tastes like rotting cabbages.